I turn 30 tonight.

30, like 28, 29 or 31, is just a number. But there’s something about this number that evokes a visceral reaction.

Perhaps it is because it signals the dawn of adulthood. Real adulthood. Where mistakes are no longer cute and money pretty much drives all your decisions.

Or perhaps it is because I’ve always wanted to move out and have a home of my own by 30. Yet here I am, six years after searching for a home, still stuck in mum’s loft and more confused than ever about what home even means.

But it is not all bad. There is a quiet maturity that unfolds as you turn 30. [Dropping hyperlinks to my birthday posts at 23, 26 28 and 29 as testament to my growth.]

1. You no longer find the need to prove yourself to anyone. Not even to yourself. You don’t have to be the smartest, the most beautiful, or the most lovable. You are but a speck of dust in this vast universe. No one cares. And that is, actually, pretty liberating. You can be anyone you want.
   
   
2. You learn to forgive your parents, your exes, and even yourself for the things they have done to hurt you, knowing that this is our first time at life and we are all just trying our best.
   
   
3. You no longer resist the flow of life. You accept that people come and go, and things happen beyond our control. Life, to you, is like a novel. You discover characters and experiences, fall in love with them, and move on to the next chapter when it’s time.
   
   
4. You learn that pain and anxiety are all part of life’s experience. It may feel unbearable at times. You will be tempted to get rid of these uncomfortable emotions as soon as possible. But it might not always be the best solution. You master how to breathe in, breathe out, and know that it will be okay.

I would be lying to say that I’m particularly excited about what lies ahead of me. But I know that whatever the plot may be when I flip the page, I am ready.

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Thank you to everyone here who has journeyed with me, ♥