Jane’s passing breaks my heart.

I don’t know anything about her. I have never met her. But I feel her pain so deeply because I have been there before. The only difference is that each time, I choose a different path.

People ask, “why did she do it? She should have stayed and fought.”

On hindsight, they might be right. She could have won the case.

But let me tell you that when someone is stuck in that head space, it is almost impossible to see a way out. Depression impairs the functions of a person’s prefrontal cortex, the brain region responsible for regulating emotions and solving problems. This explains why depressed people find it so difficult to even get out of bed, let alone complete their daily tasks.

When I read her final Facebook post, it felt all too real.

How she transferred money to her staff and loved ones.

It reminded me of the times when I would schedule a Telegram message with my stocks and crypto passwords to my loved ones, just in case something actually happened. I don’t know if the same thoughts went through her head, but the reason we do this is because of guilt. We feel that it’s the only good thing that we can still do.

How she left a personal letter to her family.

It reminded me of the letters I wrote to my mum, half drunk and full of tears. Only to (thankfully) rip them up the following morning. We do this to tell our loved ones that it is not their fault. The last thing we would want is for them to take it upon themselves.

So yes, people who struggle with depression are not weak or selfish. They are just in a terrible place.

Even in her final days, Jane put on a strong front and showed up for the people she cared about. To me, she was brave and kind, and I’m sure people will remember her that way.

Mental health is not talked about enough. I’m not referring to policies and resources. I’m talking about the real and raw stuff. The dark stuff that no one wants to talk about. And that silence is what makes everyone feel so unbearably alone, like they are fighting a battle no one can see.

But you are not. I swear. You are not alone.