I thought I lived for these moments.

That time I sent a bouldering route after 34 tries and almost popping my shoulder.
That TikTok video that went viral.
When he told me I was pretty.
Olivia Rodrigo’s “so american”.
Making the buck from a right bet of Nvdia’s earnings.
The last sip of Jack Daniel’s before I black out for the rest of the evening.
The thrill of doing something spontaneous and almost illegal.
The euphoria, as we reach the final verse of our tango.

But nowadays, too much of these moments make me sick. Keeps me up at night and makes my heart palpitate.

Give me a slow burn classic literature instead.
Give me just one pint of Guinness on tap.
Give me 7pm evening walks with puppy.
Give me bonds and T-bills.
Give me next month’s itinerary.
Give me the safety of knowing that I’m always going to be okay.

And I might just get used to this. I might.